The Greater Delaware Procrastination Society Reacts Instantly!

Tom Behren Jr, Dennis T. Hernandez, Bob Lee Colwell and Condredge Baxter-Halloway III had been sitting in their usual spots at the counter of Frank’s Diner, located on the main drag of Shawnee Ferry, Delaware, for over four hours the next day.

“How was I to know Zane Grey wasn’t available?” Colwell shrugged then waved for more coffee.

“For crying out loud the man’s been dead since 1939,” Tom Behren Jr. shouted. “I’ll take half a cup, please, Marge.”

“I just finished reading Riders of the Purple Sage, and I loved it. I thought it was a new book. It was a large print version copyrighted in 2012.”

“What are we going to do now?” Hernandez asked. “Our annual meeting is in four days. We need a guest speaker.”

“How about William Faulkner?” Colwell asked.

“Dead,” Baxter-Halloway III said without taking his eyes off the breakfast menu.

The evening dinner crowd started arriving, so the guys needed to make a quick decision.

“I know the perfect choice,” Colwell asserted standing up and pointing to a photo on the far wall of the diner.

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Bob, but President Reagan isn’t around anymore.”

“Is he making another Francis the talking mule movie?” Benjamin McGee asked sliding onto the empty stool next to Hernandez. “I loved the last one.”

“You’re just in time,” Condredge Baxter-Halloway III said. “We need to choose a guest speaker now. Do you have any suggestions?”

“How about… ?”

Every name McGee suggested was rejected for various reasons. Some were deceased. Others were deemed inappropriate because of the cost. Three were rejected because of their reputations for being compulsive.

McGee snapped his fingers. “I got the man for the job.”

“Who?” Marge asked as she filled their coffee cups.

“Well, it’s not actually a man. She’s a woman, but she is alive. She’s an excellent writer, and she lives nearby.”

“Who?” they asked simultaneously.

“Emmy Colasanti-Colwell!”

“My brother’s daughter-in-law?” Bob Lee Colwell asked nearly choking on his six-hour-old piece of dry wheat toast.

“Why not? I heard her speak to a women’s group at church. She is an excellent speaker,” McGee said.

“What were you doing at a women’s group meeting?” Hernandez asked.

“I was late for the men’s group.”

“We’re desperate,” Behrens, Jr. said. “I say we call her.”

“She agreed,” Colwell said an hour later.

“How much does she charge?” Hernandez asked.

“She said she would get back to us about her fee.”

“She might give us a discount, since I’m family,” Colwell said.

“Good. Did you give her directions to the meeting?” Condredge Baxter-Halloway III asked.

The men stared at each other.

“Great! Now we need to decide where to hold the meeting.”

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