Random Thoughts of a Strange Mind, Part 5

Have you ever heard a preacher say, “That’s all I have to say about it.” and they actually stick to it? Me neither.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a preacher say “And in conclusion” and then preach for another twenty or thirty minutes. Sometimes an hour. Sometimes until the Sunday evening service started.

If you take a trip in a time machine back to the year 453 B.C. and buy a calendar at the local bookstore, what year would the calendar say it was?

Did the people who built the pyramids in ancient Egypt use Ford F150s as their work trucks? Or did they use Ford F350s because of the heavy stones they needed to transport?

You’ve most likely heard the phrase “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” but in Hawaii do they say “The coconut doesn’t fall far from the tree?” What would have happened if Sir Isaac Newton had taken a vacation to Samoa and was sitting under a palm tree when the apple… er… coconut fell?

Did Adam and Eve eat ripe bananas, or green ones? Was Eve the first wife to make her husband take out the garbage? If so, where did he take it? And who picked it up? Where did they take it? Did they recycle? What did they think about the first dandelion? Did Eve complain when Adam left the seat up?

If Eve didn’t like the fig leaf Adam bought her on her birthday, could she take it back and exchange it for a color that suited her better? Were there different sizes? Did Eve try to wear a leaf two sizes too small to make her look better? Did she find a purse to match?

How old were Adam and Eve when they were created? What would have happened if they didn’t feel any chemistry between each other? Who did they rebel against when they were teenagers?

A thought about Noah and his ark. Did he regret letting two mosquitoes into the ark? Obviously. Okay, they were floating around for months visiting all the ports-of-call in the Mediterranean and racking up huge credit card bills. Are you telling me that at no point during this cruise someone didn’t feel a mosquito land on their arm and swat it? Voila! Problem solved. No more mosquitoes.

How do you remove a cell phone from a teenager’s hand? Short of amputation, and would that even work, or would the hand continue to grip the cell phone tighter than Jack Benny holding onto his wallet? (My wife told me no one would understand this because no one alive has ever heard of Jack Benny. He was a comedian known for being a tightwad.)((Okay, now my wife is telling me to stop using archaic language.))

Where did the custom of burial-at-sea originate? Do you need a hint?

Will we be aware of Artificial Intelligence if it ever becomes commonplace? Will we be aware of Artificial Intelligence if it ever becomes commonplace? Will we be aware of Artificial Intelligence if it ever becomes commonplace?

Back to the time machine. If time travel was possible, would you go forward or backward? Okay, I went forward to the year 2348 and people are still wearing masks and arguing about the COVID vaccine. People were also driving the same model car as Fred Flintstone and paying ten times the KBB suggested price.

If you purchased a book written in ancient Hebrew, and held it up to a mirror, could you read it? Or would it still be Greek to you?

If a committee of politicians put the names of the months into a hat and pulled them out randomly to rearrange the year, would the national debt be reduced? Makes about as much sense as daylight savings time, right?

If I had a working time machine, I would never be late for work. I could also take four hour long lunches and not get in trouble. I would also use it to go back to October 26, 1985. St. Louis Cardinal fans will know why.

If I had a real time machine, I could write a better blog about random thoughts.

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